You know how movies and books often show sex as this spontaneous, thrilling moment that usually ends with both partners having a mind-blowing orgasm? While that can definitely be part of the experience, it’s not the whole picture. Sex can also be planned, laid-back, and might not even include an orgasm. Lately, more and more couples are jumping on the trend of scheduling sex. Whether they’re young parents or busy professionals, many are finding that carving out time for intimacy—be it weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly—adds a new and meaningful layer to their relationship.
What exactly does ‘scheduling sex’ mean?
In our everyday lives, routines and rituals offer a sense of comfort. Whether it’s a morning coffee, engaging in a skincare routine or taking a peaceful walk; these simple pleasures make us feel good. Scheduling sex works in a similar way: it’s about setting aside time to connect and be intimate. What counts as 'sex' is entirely up to you – it doesn't have to involve penetration or orgasms. It can be any form of intimate activity, whether it’s mutual masturbation, outercourse, or just making time for kissing and cuddling; it’s about what feels right for you.
The benefits of scheduling sex
Scheduling intimacy might not be for everyone, but for some, having a set plan can actually lead to more spontaneous moments of pleasure, both with a partner and on your own. The build-up to those scheduled times can be just as exciting—if not more—than those surprise encounters.
Curious if scheduling sex could work for you? Explore some of the benefits below.
Have more time to prepare your mind and body
If you’re someone who loves having a plan and a clear schedule, scheduling sex might be right up your alley. It’s okay if surprises aren’t your thing; it just means you know what works for you. If you’re managing chronic conditions like anxiety or endometriosis, or you’re working on pelvic floor exercises, having a set time for intimacy can give you a chance to prepare and get in the zone. This extra time can help you feel more in tune with yourself and your partner.
You may enjoy your pre-intimacy ritual
For some, getting ready for intimacy can enhance your confidence and make you feel a little sexier, building anticipation and excitement. This prelude might include taking a shower, doing a bit of grooming if desired, or just quickly freshening up in a way that feels good for you. Embracing this ritual can make the lead-up just as thrilling – if not more so – than the intimate moments that follow.
It’s great for time-poor couples or young parents
If you’re in a long-distance relationship or dealing with mismatched work schedules, finding time for spontaneous intimacy can be tough. For young parents, busy schedules often mean that scheduling intimacy becomes a valuable tool to ensure you’re making the time to reconnect with each other.
Why Scheduling Sex Might Not Be for You
Scheduling sex can work wonders for some, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach. If you thrive on spontaneity and the thrill of unexpected moments, or deal with fluctuating health conditions, sticking to a set schedule might feel more stressful than satisfying. Remember, you’re not obligated to follow through if you’re not in the mood—this time is meant to enhance connection, not add pressure. And for those who prefer spontaneous intimacy, planned sessions might not capture the same excitement. The key is finding what works best for you and your partner.
How to start scheduling sex
If you’re considering scheduling sex, keep your expectations realistic. Sexual desire and libido can fluctuate due to stress, health, and other factors, so rather than committing to a strict weekly routine, try setting a date once a month or every two weeks. The goal is to connect, not add pressure.
