Every long-term relationship eventually moves past the rush of the beginning. The early spark… that thrilling mix of novelty and anticipation gives way to something quieter, more stable and often, more complex. But intimacy doesn’t have to fade with time. It just needs new ways to be nurtured.
Keeping the spark alive isn’t about chasing intensity; it’s about deepening connection. These six intimacy-building exercises are less about fixing something and more about rediscovering each other: the curiosity, vulnerability and play that keep desire feeling alive.
1. Ask better questions
Desire thrives in curiosity. One of the easiest ways to reconnect is to talk in a way that goes beyond logistics - not about who’s cooking dinner or when the next bill is due, but who you are to each other now.
Try setting aside half an hour once a week for intentional conversation. You can use prompts from LBDO’s Journey Deeper: Intimacy Edition - 100 cards designed to help couples move past surface talk into meaningful dialogue. The cards are split into two levels - Journey and Deeper - so you can start light and gradually build into more vulnerable topics.
Questions like “What does intimacy mean to you lately?” or “When do you feel most desired by me?” can open space for emotional honesty. Sometimes, keeping the spark alive is less about doing something new and more about remembering how to really see each other.
2. Create a ritual of touch
Touch is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to reconnect but it’s also the first thing that often slips away in long-term relationships. Reintroduce it consciously, without it always leading to sex.
You might set aside ten minutes at the end of the day for a short massage, a cuddle on the couch, or a slow kiss goodbye before leaving the house. Let the goal be awareness of texture, warmth and response.
Intimacy often begins with the smallest gestures. The more you nurture physical closeness, the easier it becomes for desire to find its way back in.
3. Revisit your firsts
There’s something powerful about returning to where it began. The first place you met, the first restaurant or the first song that played when you danced together. Memory can reignite emotion because it connects you to who you were when you first fell for each other.
You don’t need to recreate the past perfectly. The goal is to remember what it felt like to be curious about one another and to see how that’s evolved. Sometimes, nostalgia isn’t about going back. It’s about realising how far you’ve come.
4. Introduce a new shared experience
Novelty is a well-documented ingredient of desire. Psychotherapist Esther Perel writes that in long-term relationships, love seeks closeness, but desire needs space. We crave the familiar, yet we’re also drawn to what feels new, unpredictable, or just beyond reach.
Trying something unfamiliar together whether it’s a class, a hike, or a trip, activates that tension in a healthy way. Shared novelty creates the same chemical excitement that fuels early attraction, but it’s grounded in safety and partnership.
What matters isn’t what you do, but that you do it together. Shared risk, laughter, or even mild discomfort builds intimacy. It reminds you that you’re still capable of discovery both in the world and in each other.
5. Practice 60 seconds of appreciation
It sounds simple, but expressing appreciation changes the emotional tone of a relationship. Once a day, take one minute to name something you love about your partner. Something specific.
It might be “I love how you laugh when you’re nervous” or “I noticed how patient you were this morning.” The key is sincerity, not grandeur. Gratitude builds safety, and safety is the soil where desire grows.
6. Slow down
Intimacy needs time. In a world built around speed - fast work, fast content, fast everything - slowing down can be one of the most sensual things you do.
Try an evening with no screens, no distractions, no multitasking. Cook together slowly. Eat without rushing. Pay attention to the moments that usually slip past unnoticed.
Slowness invites attention and attention is the quiet foundation of all attraction.
Rekindling, not repeating
Keeping the spark alive isn’t about recreating the early days of a relationship. It’s about evolving the connection to match who you are now.
As Esther Perel often reminds us, “The erotic is not about what happens between two bodies, but about the space between them.” Intimacy is less about maintaining heat and more about sustaining curiosity - the ongoing willingness to learn, to listen and to touch with intention.
