Sexting (sex + texting); if you’re new to the world of sexting, welcome! Sexting in its basic form involves using technology such as a mobile phone, app or email to send and receive sexual messages.
While this may seem daunting for some, and it’s certainly not for everyone, it can be a great way to keep things fresh in a new or existing relationship. And studies have shown that it can be an essential part to a healthy relationship, including the possibility of increasing sexual satisfaction. Before you dive right into sexting, here’s what you need to know…
The importance of consent, always
Sharing sexual pictures or messages without permission is a serious violation of privacy. Whilst sexting might seem fun to you, it’s a personal preference and not for everybody so never assume that someone wants a sext from you no matter your sexual history. It requires mutual trust, respect and consent to ensure that everybody feels comfortable and safe, without feeling any pressure whatsoever.
If you’re unsure how to get an idea of your partner’s interest and boundaries, start by initiating a question or statement like:
“I’ve been thinking about what I want to do to you later and I’d like to share that with you over text if you’d enjoy that”.
And if you’re on the receiving end, make sure to speak up and have an explicit conversation either over text or in real life.
Set the mood
Even if you’re not with your partner physically, setting the mood for yourself can help you get into it and feel more sensual. Wear something that makes you feel confident and sexy, put on some music, play to your senses by dimming the lights, using scented candles or oils, or you can even keep your favourite pleasure product(s) nearby. Describing your scene to your partner will also turn them on so they can really imagine where you are and what you’re doing.
Use descriptive language
In order to stimulate the imagination, be as descriptive as possible. Either making up an imaginary scene, or recounting back the details of a previous sexual experience together, it’s all about the details and getting creative.
You can start by asking a question or a confession about your fantasies like;
“what’s your biggest fantasy?” or “I’m wearing your favourite piece of clothing...what would you want to do to me right now?” or “you know I’ve always wanted to...”.
The words you use will paint a visual of the fantasy you’re describing or experiencing so use expressive words like,
“I’m imagining myself stroking/caressing/licking/sucking/teasing/touching your…” or “I’m so wet/hard thinking about that”.
Give a specific compliment
Your partner will love to hear what they do to you that makes you feel good. Think back to really hot sex together and remind them about what they did that turned you on to relive that moment; “only you can make me feel this good”. And don’t shy away from incorporating new fantasies as well...just because you bring it up while sexting doesn’t mean it has to happen in real life. Play into your curiosities, your wildest sexual dreams and see how it makes you and your partner feel. You can always steer the conversation back if it’s getting a little too risqué for you.
It doesn’t have to just be texts
If you feel comfortable, sending nudes or voice messages can be a great way to turn on your partner. Whether you’ve got sexy photos locked and loaded in your library already or are taking them in the moment, visual imagery can be the best way to tease and take control. Just remember that once it’s sent, you can’t take it back so make sure you’ve thought about it properly beforehand.
If you are wanting to send voice messages but feel too awkward, keep them short and sweet or send a sound that they’re making you feel in the heat of the moment. Moaning and groaning will drive your partner wild.
Have fun with it
Lastly, this is your experience so have fun with it. Either take it slow in the beginning and build up as you become more comfortable or dive straight in and have a go. As long as it's consensual and everyone feels safe and respected, there’s no right or wrong.