Dating is a crazy game. Sometimes you’re about to meet the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with - other times you meet someone who will spontaneously introduce you to the world of group sex. This time around, we spoke to someone who experienced the latter. Her name is Ursula, she’s 31, and she sat down with us to tell us about the time she skipped the ‘drinks and tapas’ second date trope, and went straight to an eight person orgy.
LBDO: So, set us up, what happened here?
Ursula: “Well, the whole thing started off pretty conventionally, really. I was on my second date with this guy, Leo, and we ran into his friends at a bar. We ended up deciding to go back to one of his friends’ house and had some drinks and….[laughs] … pharmaceuticals.”
LBDO: Did you get the impression that what was about to happen was premeditated?
Ursula: “Absolutely not. I don’t think anyone planned it in any way. I had never had group sex, neither had my date. We were all just sitting in this guy’s bungalow vibing, chatting and laughing. But there was a sort of intimacy or at least familiarity in the room, which was strange considering I barely knew anyone there. I don’t even think [my date] knew everyone there, it just felt really nice and right and comfortable.”
LBDO: So how did you transition from a friendly hang to group sex?
Ursula: “I don’t remember who started it, but just very organically, people started kissing each other. Kissing led to touching, and it just felt right to include and… experience everyone in the room. Everyone just wanted everyone, it didn’t even need to be verbalised, there was just a palpable energy around us and we all knew what was about to happen without saying a word”.
LBDO: When things aren’t verbal, how do you think consent played into the orgy? Or did it?
Ursula: “While there was no explicit pre-conversation, per se, it was abundantly clear that everyone was consenting. Everyone’s body language spoke volumes, everyone was making very intentional eye contact and undressing each other very slowly and with a lot of consideration. There was no doubt in my mind that consent was present. When we got into the actual sex, we did get more verbal, I heard mutterings of “Is this okay?” and “Do you like this?”... I knew everyone felt safe and comfortable. Someone asked if they could go down on me and I obliged, while I watched my date get [a blowjob] from another guy.”
LBDO: How do you reflect on that night now? How do you feel about group sex as a result?
Ursula: “It was honestly incredible. It was a real night of firsts for me. My first time with a woman, my first time watching other people have sex, and yeah, my first time having group sex. It was a good exercise in me checking in with myself too, I was able to be really present the whole time, making sure I felt empowered and safe, and I really did. I don’t know if I would necessarily be into planned group sex sessions, but there’s something intensely arousing for me about these things happening so fluidly and organically around me. If that sort of situation happens again I know now that I’m really into it. I hope it does.”
