Following on from our previous blog on unexpected things that are actually intimate, this piece goes a step further. It’s about the kinds of closeness that rarely get acknowledged - not because they aren’t meaningful but because they don’t look like what we’re taught intimacy should be.
They’re small, often quiet and easy to overlook. But they say a lot. Not just about how someone feels, but how much attention they’re paying.
Here are some of the ways intimacy shows up, even if you’re not looking for it.
Sitting with someone in silence
Not every quiet moment is awkward. In some relationships, silence feels like ease. You don’t need to fill the space or explain your mood. You can just be next to each other - low energy, off your game - and know it won’t shift how they see you.
That’s not absence. That’s trust.
Offering to take something off their plate
You notice they’re stressed, so you do the groceries. Or take care of that one admin thing they hate. Or offer to handle dinner without making it a gesture.
It’s not about being generous. It’s about understanding what someone needs before they ask, and quietly stepping in. That kind of attention often says more than a conversation would.
Editing something they care about
It might be a resumé. A funding pitch. A website draft. A big email. You take the time to look at the details, fix the structure or give thoughtful feedback.What you’re really saying is: this matters to you, so it matters to me. It’s not a romantic gesture but it’s a clear signal of care. And it tends to land deeper than most compliments.
Listening without trying to fix it
Sometimes intimacy is staying in the discomfort with someone instead of trying to solve it. You don’t jump to solutions. You don’t pivot the topic. You just let them talk — or not talk — and stay with it.
There’s a difference between someone being present and someone trying to manage the moment. One is support. The other is pressure.
Following up days later
You remember something they said offhand. A doctor’s appointment. A difficult family thing. A work deadline they were dreading. You bring it up again, not to be impressive but because you were actually listening.
There’s something intimate about someone tracking your life with you. Not in real time but later, when they didn’t have to.
Being the person who says “I’ve got it”
You make the call. You book the Uber. You choose the place. You decide what’s for dinner. Not because the other person can’t but because you can tell they don’t have the capacity to care right now.
It’s easy to miss how intimate this is. But knowing when to lead, without overstepping, takes emotional skill. It’s a kind of steadiness that makes people feel safe.
Letting someone talk about what they love, even if you don’t care about it
You don’t interrupt. You don’t rush them. You don’t pretend to care more than you do but you give them the space anyway. Maybe it’s their fantasy football team or their skincare routine or a show you’ll never watch.
The intimacy is in the way you listen. Not for the topic but for the person.
Changing your plans for their comfort and not making a point of it
You were meant to go out but they’re exhausted. So you change the plan. No guilt, no scorekeeping. You let them rest.
It’s easy to say “it’s fine,” but how it’s done matters. If there’s no emotional residue left behind, that’s when it starts to feel like care.
