Phone sex is for everyone; for long distance lovers fanning the flame from hemispheres away to those who have already showered and slipped into their pyjamas and CBF moving for sex. 

However motivated you are to turn your phone line into a hotline, the prospect of delving into your contacts for a no-contact bang can be daunting. And fair enough - these days, most of us would rather navigate a complex online portal than call up our local pizzeria. But with just a little effort, phone sex with a trusted partner can add a thrilling new dimension to your erotic life. 

If you’re in need of a little direction, here’s the 411 on giving good aural. 

The ancient art of phone sex 

Chances are you’ve already dabbled in sexting, hold a record-breaking Snapchat streak, and - for the elder millennials among us - had a few erotically charged encounters on chat roulette. 

There’s definitely an argument to be made that all of these exchanges constitute phone sex. 

For the purposes of this article, however, we’re using the term ‘phone sex’ to refer to the good old verbal exchange of words over a telephone call. 

Set design 

Even though you and your partner can’t be together physically, you can still set the mood. 

We’re not going to tell you to light a candle or ditch the sweatpants (after all, one of phone sex’s greatest attributes is being able to describe your naughty lingerie when you’re actually wearing a porridge-encrusted jumper). 

Just make sure your environment and your outfit make you feel sexy and comfortable. You’re more likely to get in the mood if you minimise distraction from, say, the un-sexy pile of dirty laundry on your bedroom floor. 

Give a heads up

Don’t forget to give your partner fair warning of your intentions before you give them the buzz. That way, you won’t accidentally catch them while they’re at their grandma’s place, and you’ll both have something to look forward to in the lead up. Now that’s getting a head start on foreplay. 

Slip into it 

It can be intimidating to launch right into the hardcore heavy stuff straight away. Instead, amp up the sexual tension in anticipation of the call with a flirty exchange of messages. 

Sex up your lexicon 

Don’t let a limited vocabulary be a dampener. Use tantalising verbs like suck, twist, stroke, tickle, tug, thrust, lick, caress, pound… Envisage the scene and paint a detailed aural picture. If you’re pleasuring yourself, describe how, in great detail. Encourage and validate your partner’s efforts by explaining how your body is responding to their words. During phone sex, words are your toys, so get creative. 

Reciprocate 

Once you’re hot and heavy it might be tempting to let yourself be carried away on your partner’s verbal wave. But don’t forget to reciprocate, because just like sex in real life, this should be a bidirectional exchange. Consider being more vocal than usual, since your partner won’t be able to tell what’s working from your body language. 

Embrace nostalgia 

If you’re struggling to get started, don’t feel pressure to reinvent the wheel. Think back to a previous mind-blowing sexual experience and use that as a precedent. Once you’re in the mood, there’s no doubt your imagination will start to run wild. 

Let loose with your imagination 

The beauty of phone sex being unbridled by logistics is that you have the freedom to explore your most outrageous and impractical desires. Always wanted to get down and dirty in a public place? Or be ridden while riding a dragon? If your partner is on board, there’s no better time for role play. Of course, don’t cross any boundaries that already exist in your sex life. If your partner strays into verbal territory where you’re uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to redirect them.

Debrief

Just like in real life, ending phone sex abruptly can leave the other person feeling neglected. Once you’ve hung up (and cleaned up), debriefing with your partner via call or message is the best alternative to traditional aftercare and cuddles. 

Enjoy