Pillow Talk with Tamara Natt

Welcome to Pillow Talk, a series of chats with some of our favourite creatives, activists, artists and designers.

Queer poet, essayist and playwright, Tamara Natt (she/they) has accomplished so much already. Tamara has been published by poetry journals, magazines and publications around the world, and is about to go on tour with her debut play, ALPHA.

Before she heads off, she was kind enough to sit down with us for our latest instalment of Pillow Talk, where she shared with us everything from her experiences with sexual wellness to what’s on her nightstand.

Here's a snippet of our chat.

What's on your nightstand?

*walking into the bedroom to have a genuine look*


What's the last thing you do before you go to sleep?

As a grown woman, I can’t go to sleep without having dessert, so I’ll always have something sweet with a cup of tea or hot chocolate, and a joint. If my partner’s not doing a show (they’re a comedian) we’ll have sex and fall asleep together. If my partner’s out for the evening, I’ll let our dog in to cuddle and read with me. Aurelia comes home late and wakes me up to have sex after their show and I love it  -  I always sleep better after.

Ideal date idea?

There was one day in LA last year when Aurelia and I decided to do whatever presented itself. We had morning sex (my favourite), candy from the mini bar in our hotel room for breakfast, then we just walked, taking turns leading and deciding which corners to round.

Horchata at a street market? Yes.

Follow that dirt road up a mountain, which ends up being a backway to the observatory? Yep.

Take an Uber halfway across town on the highway with all the windows down, have it stop at the Korean spa up ahead, buy a joint from a guy in a burger truck and walk into what will end up being the best Mexican of your life?


How do you take care of your sexual wellness?

My favourite thing that I’ve learned about sex is how to take possession of my own desire.

For a long time in my 20s, I prioritised being a “good” partner in sex, which meant my sexuality was formed around gratifying the people I was sleeping. Regardless of how willing my lovers were to make space for my pleasure, I felt like taking time for my own desire was somehow selfish or boring. Porn culture has a lot to answer for there.
Now that I’m in a healthy sexual relationship with myself and my wife, I love communicating my desires. It’s added a verbal dimension to that’s actually really sexy. Lastly, I masturbate regularly to keep that connection with myself current and alive. Having a partner who doesn’t see masturbation as competition is a total joy.

What’s something you wish you knew about sex when you were younger?

I started masturbating really early. I didn’t know that that’s what it was when I was doing it, but I developed this method that didn’t involve using my hands and it felt so good. I was hooked – I did it all the time, whenever I had time alone.
But I hid it, knowing that the pleasure I was feeling was somehow dirty, “wrong” or even evil. I wish I knew what it was then, and that masturbation is healthy, not shameful. As a queer woman, I know how sexuality and shame don’t mix.
So my wish would be for society to be more comfortable acknowledging that sexuality develops a lot earlier than we’re told, and that, especially for women and non-binary bodies, it’s okay to feel good. It’s actually brilliant.
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