Anal sex for beginners

These days, more and more people are trying - and loving - anal sex. Anal play can be an exciting, pleasurable addition to your sexual repertoire. And contrary to popular belief, it shouldn’t really hurt - unless you want it to. 

Whether it’s your maiden voyage into the world of anal sex, or you’re just making sure you’re nailing the basics, here is LBDO’s beginner’s guide to a fun, informed, safe and sexy time. 

Check in with yourself 

If you are genuinely turned on by the prospect of anal play, chances are you are going to enjoy it. On the other hand, if you are frightened, unsure, or feeling pressured by your partner or peers, it might not be the best for you. As always, do not be afraid to set boundaries and prioritise your pleasure.


If you are exploring anal play with your partner, communication is key. Before you begin, ask your partner if they have tried anal sex before and if so, what they liked and disliked about it. Then you can figure out what you would like to try together. 

Keep the communication going during sex. Let your partner know what feels good, and check in with them. During pillow talk, a sexy debrief about what worked and what did not will ensure an even better experience next time. 

Lube up 

When it comes to anal sex you can never have too much lube. The anus does not self lubricate and its walls are thinner than the walls of the vagina. Without lubrication, penetration can cause pain, as well as cuts and tears in the rectal wall which increase the risk of contracting an STI. 

Generally a silicone based lube is best for anal, because it is latex friendly and doesn’t absorb or dry up quickly. However, silicone degrades silicone, so if you’re using silicone sex toys choose a water based lubricant. Just be liberal with it and remember to reapply. Oil based lubricants, such as coconut oil, are not latex friendly, so steer clear of them if you are using condoms. 

Warm up first

Don’t jump straight to anal play without getting hot and heavy first. The more aroused you are, the more relaxed and receptive you will be. 

If you are the insertive partner, do whatever you can to get the receiving partner going. Rimming (when one person uses their tongue to stimulate another person’s anus) is a great way to give and receive pleasure and introduce new sensations. 

Take it slow 

If you feel ready to try penetration, start small and work your way up. Begin by inserting, or having your partner insert, a well lubricated finger, or a small toy such as a butt plug. Take it slow and steady. 

Once your body has relaxed and acclimated, you can gradually try introducing more fingers, a larger toy, or a penis. 

If you experience any pain, feel free to take a break and try again later. Remember that anything that has been inserted anally must be thoroughly washed before being introduced into any other orifice to prevent the transmission of bacteria. 

Combine sensations 

Most people with a prostate know that it can be directly stimulated via anal penetration to produce an intense prostate orgasm. 

For people with vaginas, anal penetration can indirectly stimulate hot spots (the A spot and the G spot) in the vaginal wall. Some people are even able to achieve orgasm in this way. 

Anal sex can also give amazing orgasms when combined with other sensations. If you have a clitoris, try using your fingers or a vibrator to stimulate it you while you receive anal penetration. 

Prepare, your way 

If you are engaging in anal play, you have to be prepared for the possibility that you might encounter a little faeces. That said, the chances of this occurring in the anus and rectum, where anal sex happens, are pretty low. Faeces is stored in the upper bowels, and except for right before a bowel movement, the rectum is usually clear. Usually a thorough wash beforehand will be more than enough preparation for anal sex. 

If reducing the risk of mess will allow you to relax and enjoy anal penetration, consider using an enema beforehand. Disposable enema kits are sold at pharmacies and are used to flush out the rectum. Follow the instructions with care and feel free to see a doctor for other options and advice for safe, effective anal douching. 

Sometimes, no matter how much you prepare, shit happens. Do not freak out. Jump in the shower, regroup, and be sensitive to your partner’s needs by offering appropriate aftercare and reassurance. 

Protect yourself 

Be safe. Unprotected anal sex carries a higher risk of contracting STIs than almost any other sexual activity due to the anatomy of the anus and rectum. Use condoms if you are having anal sex with a partner with whom you are not fluid bonded (i.e. you've both tested clear of STIs, and aren't having sex with anyone else). This also applies if you are using a strap-on that has been used on multiple partners. 

Anal sex isn’t for everyone! But knowing the risks, planning accordingly and communicating openly with your sexual partner should put you in the best possible state to enjoy it. And as with any and all sex acts, if you’re not enjoying yourself, don’t do it! Anal sex is just one item on a smorgasbord of ways to get off, and we recommend sampling everything on the menu that looks good.
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