Introducing In Touch - real stories, honest conversations and shared experiences from our community. Pleasure, connection, and sexuality are deeply personal. No two experiences are the same and there are endless stories of discovery, desire and self-acceptance waiting to be told. This series is about sharing them.

It’s said that to know the world, you first need to know yourself. Rather than a final destination to be reached, this process of self-discovery is more often a journey; continuous, transformative and deeply personal. 

For Michigan based creator, Kwesi Willis, getting to know more about himself and the world around him has been a valued and liberating experience that has led to passions like writing, art, birdwatching and beauty content creation. In our conversation, Kwesi talks to us about his self-discovery journey, what it has meant for his outlook on intimacy, sexuality, empathy and masculinity, and what he thinks remains to be discovered. 

“The constant practice of self-discovery and my wanting for liberation go hand in hand because I can't really be free if I know nothing about anything – especially myself. Thankfully I've been asking myself questions for as long as I can remember, but I've also been judged and picked apart for just as long. I’ve felt the most liberated in the moments where I stopped outsourcing my boundaries, pleasures, and passions, and instead spent the time [learning] what they were and proceeded to foster them.” 

By asking himself internal, sometimes difficult questions, Kwesi has been able to begin sorting through thoughts, feelings and perceptions that are authentically his, and those that have been inherited from his past and those around him. For all of us, this question, ‘what do we like versus what we think we should like, is a defining one, especially so in our youth. How we answer sets up our approach to every other facet of our lives. 

As Kwesi explains, knowing himself better has also led to the construction of healthy boundaries that, rather than being restrictive, allow him the freedom to engage with the experiences and challenges he chooses to rather than every experience and every challenge that comes his way. This has allowed him to hone in on experiences that feel valuable, and opened his mind to new possibilities, in particular when it comes to sexuality and intimacy. 

“I used to believe [intimacy] had more to do with what someone did to or for me rather than how I felt about them sharing my life with me. At one point, with an ex-boyfriend, I accidentally tarnished my earrings. I don’t know how, but he brought them back to normal and left them for me to find when I got home – all without me knowing. I thought that was intimate because he did something I didn’t ask him to do. 

Now, intimacy feels like it should be more of an instinctive thing, so for me, if it feels intimate, then isn’t it?”

His instincts have brought forward some important epiphanies: the recognition of the advantages and disadvantages of choosing a creative life, and the possibility of a romantic connection outside the male gender. Epiphanies like these have also expanded Kwesi’s concept of sexual liberation. 

“If I could, I’d turn sex into such a normal thing. It would raise no eyebrows and not a single pearl would be clutched! No one would care who’s having it or who’s holding off on it – everyone would be pleased cause everyone would be doing their own thing.

Hypersexuality and being a sexual person are not the same thing, being modest doesn't always mean being prudish, and privacy is not the same as feeling shame. Maybe it’s because I’m familiar with being all of these things, but I’ve experienced how differently people treat you depending on what they consider you. It’s unfortunate that it controls so much, so I try to lack as much judgement as possible. But of course, I’m not perfect.” 

Kwesi’s relationship to masculinity has also evolved throughout his self-discovery. In lieu of the negative and restrictive association of masculinity with power and stoicness, he has forged new ideas for himself of what being a man can represent: openness, empathetic and embracing of emotion. 

"I’ve never really felt connected to whatever it meant to “be a man”... Not because masculinity in itself is wrong, but because everyone, even those who don’t identify as men, has a very different idea of what it is, what it requires, who can embody it. 

It’s interesting though, because the manliest I feel is usually when I am being gentle with the world around me. But then again, I was raised by a matriarchy."

Kwesi’s commitment to getting to know himself has resulted in meaningful lessons that help him along his way towards a more liberated life. At 26 years old, he is also aware there is more to learn, and comfortable in the current not-knowing. Overall, his self-discovery journey can perhaps to the following mantra he applied to life: 

"I keep what aligns, discard the rest, come back to something from before if I need to, and I only feel much better in my existence after."

We thank Kwesi so much for sharing his story with us.